No

We were going to run some errands today (read: 25% off at J. Crew), but I’ve been learning to say ‘no.’ To counterintuitively pass by the volunteer sign-up table, to not bake that extra pie, not join in on that Bible study.

No to the seemingly good commitments. 
No to proving myself – resisting old patterns of perfectionism & people pleasing.
No to over-explaining, analyzing conversations, or being excessively polite or apologetic; willing to not feel understood or have the last word.
No to busyness and striving, unnecessary exhaustion – things that spur on my recent neurological symptoms.
No to the things that turn my yeses meant for Ryan and Zoe into ‘I’m sorry’; because a yes to other people more often than not means a no is coming for them.

And every ‘no’ uttered has simultaneously also turned into a no against shame and condemnation. Not being enough, not doing enough – lies that flee in the presence of rest.

Let's get real, am I really that needed? I’m only as needed as He’s made me to be, needed only by a small few. This isn’t a forsaking of value or worth, it’s abandoning a lifestyle that ultimately results in impatience, disappointment, and frustration. 

And Jesus knew that. The most needed human, said ‘no.’ He couldn’t rescue us from our striving if His own human life was built around effort. He had to give us an alternative- a life of dependence on the Father. A life of knowing the source of His identity and worth in spite of the crowds flocking towards Him, the mockers’ screams, and the traitors’ plans.
He didn’t run around being everything to everyone, saving every person, in spite of Him being The One, our Savior. And if HE didn’t practice a life of exhausting independence, constantly proving Himself and humanity’s need for Him, neither do we.
But practicing a life based on His definition- that we’re His, that we're enough? That's enough. That's a dependent life worth living. 🌼